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Here I go, and this time I'm going
to succeed. I'd better--I've told everybody at the office I'm going
on a diet, and if I don't slim down this time they'll rib me all the
way 'till Christmas. So, farewell indulgence, hello Dexter's Slimming
Summer.
All right! One day, almost half a
pound! I'm already ahead of schedule. At this rate....
Woe is me. Last night I got up, went
into the pantry, and just looked at the popcorn jar. That's
all. And today I woke up three pounds heavier than when I started to
diet. My stomach is growling, my soul is bruised, and my weight is
up. Good night.
Some glorious Fourth. Well, at least
the porkometer is down from yesterday. But it would be amusing if I
could get back below where I started this diet, wouldn't it?
Oh frabjous day, the diet is finally
kicking in. Four pounds less, more than two below where I
started! I shall not conclude the onion ring I swiped from yon
Cassius at dinner had anything to do with it. Onward!
Stuck on this pesky plateau. Still,
I guess it's better to be stuck below where I started than spiraling
upward toward Chandrasekhar's limit.
One measly bowl of sauerkraut
at bedtime, for the sake of Almighty Bob! I mean, every diet book
says that stuff has fewer calories than sawdust, but boom!--here I am,
almost two weeks into this cruel torture ritual, still two pounds
above where I started. If it weren't so late and I weren't so tired
I'd go make a double scoop sundae and chuck this damnable diet.
Well, that's interesting. Yesterday
must have been a blip. Either that, or maybe panic and depression is
what really causes me to lose weight.
Gosh, has it been three weeks?
Well, not very interesting weeks, anyway. The occasional new low, but
basically I'm stuck in an up and down cycle that's running about a
week long. Maybe my body has adapted to this diet and I'll go on
being hungry forever and never lose another pound. There's a cheerful
thought.
Maybe there's justice in the
universe after all. One hundred and forty-three pounds...I've
done it! Now, if I just stay here this diet is history!
Up one and a quarter. Diet history
doesn't lie in this direction.
Is my life some kind of cruel
experiment to see if somebody can never get a single break, or what?
Shit in a sugar cone! I've eaten nothing: nothing extra, and I
pack on five pounds in two days? I weighed less than this almost
three weeks ago. Why go on?
Truly marvelous. Up another half pound.
At least it's lower today.
Well, maybe this has finally paid
off. I seem to have settled down below my goal of 144 pounds at last.
These new clothes feel great, and for the first time in two years I
don't feel like a fatty.
Beach party! Had a wonderful time.
What a joy to have a hot dog with mustard and relish and not worry about
my weight!
Up four pounds in one day. I'm
sure I didn't eat any sand. I don't relish the prospect of a
life without hot dogs.
Next: Dexter deceived
Up: Dexter's diet
Previous: Dexter's diet
By John Walker