UNIVACKY

"Beware the UNIVAC, my son,
    Its FASTRAND and its high-speed drum,
And FIELDATA, and listen for
    The CTMC's hum."

He quickly dialed a low-speed line
    And then keyed in his SITE-ID.
He typed @RUN and then sat back
    To wield his CRT.

NO ACTIVE RUN, it answered back,
    And WAITING ON FACILITY;
BAD STATUS WORD FROM CSF,
    And then just SYMB 03.

"I'll fix you now," he shouted out,
    "You've finally got me ired.
I'll use a systems terminal:
    1200 baud, hard-wired!"

"I'll write a loop in SSG
    To make your ferrite holler
1000 runs, and in each one
    Ten ER's to FORK$."

"Each fork," he smiles, "@ADDs 10 files,
    Each file starts 10 runs more.
Each run contains 10 COBOL jobs
    To grind along in core.

"Each job will write 10 9-track tapes,
    And then rewind and read them.
Each tape, of course, is punched to cards,
    For backup, if I need them."

As fast as light his fingers write:
    @SETC, then @TEST, @JUMP,
@XQT, and then for spite,
    A full post-mortem dump.

He wiped his hands upon his shirt
    And then he FINNED his run,
And scurried to the console
    To sit and watch the fun.

MEMORY FAULT, the system cried,
    And PARITY-07 ADG,
And PANIC DUMP IMPOSSIBLE,
    And ERROR 53.

"Oh frabjous day, callou callay;
    I've made the system stall."
He tore it from the PAGEWRITER
    And hung it on the wall.

'Twas BRKPT and the I/O queue
    Was SYMMING FASTRAND like the wind.
All idle was the CAU
    As the last run had just FINNED.

_