Don't you just hate it when you're about to close a
clandestine munitions deal with the Fire Slugs of Bogon
Five and your partner raises a question about the relative
applicability of Rules of Acquisition 35 and 177? You'd
look like a lobeless altruist if you had to stop and ask
whether Rule 35 is "Peace is good for business" or "War is
good for business". (It's "Peace"; "War" is Rule 34.)
What you need at such awkward times is a compendium of the
Ferengi Rules of Acquisition on your hand-held PADD or, in
twenty-first century lingo, PalmPilot. Follow the
instructions below to install the Rules of Acquisition as a
Memo Pad document on your handheld and never again will you
hesitate to cite "No good deed ever goes unpunished" by
number (285). Since this reference is provided as a Memo
Pad archive, you can read it using the built in PalmOS Memo
Pad application; there's no need to install a document
Download and Installation Instructions
To install the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition on your handheld,
proceed as follows.
- Download the ferengi.zip
file using the link above, saving it in a temporary directory
on your hard drive.
- Use an
to extract the ferengi.mpa
file from the archive into the same temporary directory.
- Open the Palm Desktop application and display the
Memo Pad files by clicking the "Memo" icon or selecting
the "View/Memo" menu item.
- Use the "File/Import..." menu item to open the Import
file selection box. Navigate to the temporary
directory and select the ferengi.mpa
Memo Pad archive file. You should now see a
memo titled "Ferengi Rules of Acquisition" as an
"Unfiled" item in your list of memos. If you wish,
change the category from "Unfiled" to whatever
you prefer: "Business" for example.
- HotSync. The memo will be now be installed on
your handheld. Launch the Memo Pad application and
verify it's there. (If you don't see it, be sure the category
of memos you're displaying is the same in which
you filed the Rules of Acquisition document.)
- You may now, if you wish, delete the ferengi.zip
archive and the ferengi.mpa file from your
- Lie, scheme, deal, profit...and may the glow
of latinum forever warm your lobes.
Huh? What's this all about, anyway?
If you haven't a clue what this document's about,
you've managed to evade one of the most pervasive manifestations
of popular culture in the 1980's and 90's:
The Next GenerationTM
Deep Space Nine
The Ferengi are
a species of short stature, large ears, sharp insectivore
teeth, flexible ethics, and an unquenchable desire to accumulate
capital; they are the entrepreneurs par excellence
galaxy, although those who've done business with them may prefer
the terms "swindlers", "crooks", "cheats", "double-dealers", or one of
a multitude of other synonyms...much like venture capitalists
of my acquaintance.
The Ferengi first appeared in a passing remark in the pilot
episode of The Next Generation and in
occasional episodes over the subsequent years, but came into
their own in Deep Space Nine where the Rules
of Acquisition first made their appearance. The
distillation of centuries of Ferengi deal-making and
-breaking, the Rules of Acquisition are a steadfast
beacon guiding navigators on the turbulent sea of commerce
toward the home port of profit.
"Worst episode, ever!"
Conversely, folks who spend too much time in
The Android's Dungeon (no, I'm not
going to explain
that pop culture reference--that's what search engines are for!)
will undoubtedly quibble about the capitalisation, punctuation,
or precise phrasing of various rules, the presence or
absence of rules which have appeared in various places and
contexts and, more tediously still, whether this or that
rule is "canon". Pop culture is not an exact science:
Ferengi Rules of Acquisition have appeared in televised episodes of
Deep Space Nine
, the two books cited below,
and novels and comic books based on The Next Generation
and Deep Space Nine
. Among this body of sources a
variety of discrepancies exist: multiple rules given the same
number, rules given different numbers in different places, etc.
In this compilation I've included what I considered the best
documented rules. If you must quibble, please do so out of range
of my lobes or, better still, revise the list to your own
satisfaction (since it's a Memo Pad document, you can edit it
right on your PalmPilot) and post your version on your own
Web page. And don't forget rule 59!
STAR TREK® and DEEP SPACE NINE®
are registered trademarks of Paramount Pictures.
THE NEXT GENERATIONTM
is a trademark of Paramount Pictures.
All Rights Reserved.
Click on titles to order books on-line from
- Behr, Ira Stephen, and Robert Hewitt Wolfe.
Legends of the Ferengi
New York: Pocket Books, 1997.
- This is the most comprehensive printed collection of
the Rules of Acquisition. Rules mentioned in episodes
subsequent to its date of publication do not,
of course, figure in the book. Each rule is accompanied
by an anecdote illustrating its origin or application
and an appropriate photograph.
- Behr, Ira Stephen, and Kevin Ryan.
The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition
New York: Pocket Books, 1995.
- This pocket-size compendium dating from 1995 contains
just the rules, one per page in large type, with a
brief introduction and several illustrations. Several
rules in the 1997 Legends of the Ferengi
are absent from this book. In addition, Rule 217
is incorrectly given as 117, and the frequently
confused rules 34 and 35 are interchanged compared
their numbers in Legends.
- Sternbach, Rick, and Michael Okuda.
Star Trek: The Next Generation Technical Manual
New York: Pocket Books, 1991.
- This is an essential reference
to the technology and terminology of
The Next GenerationTM
and subsequent series.
For example, ever wondered what that little information
tablet crewmembers are forever handing one another is
called? Flip...flip...flip...aha! Page 52 identifies
it as a "Personal Access Display Device" (PADD).
by John Walker